A book by Marshall Goldsmith, you can buy it here. :)
The Trouble With Success
- Oftentimes, our previous success prevents us from achieving more.
- People who tend to be very successful sometimes do not realize how their behaviour is coming across to other people.
- These super successful people have some bad habits.
- They need to realize that they are successful, not because of their bad habits, but in spite of it.
Why We Resist Change (AKA The Success Delusion)
Successful people have 4 primary beliefs, it’s why they’re successful, but it’s also why they resist change. It’s important we acknowledge and understand these.
- I have succeeded ~ I believe in my skills and talent
- I can succeed ~ I am confident that I can succeed
- I will succeed ~ I have the motivation to succeed
- I choose to succeed ~ Because it’s my choice and I’m not forced to do this, I’m committed.
The Natural Law
People will do something – including changing their behaviour – only if it can be demonstrated that doing so is in their own best interests as defined by their own values.
20 Habits That Hold You Back From The Top
- Winning too much
- Adding too much value
- Passing judgement
- Making destructive comments
- Starting with (or using) “No”, “But” or “However”
- Telling the world how smart we are
- Speaking when angry
- Negativity, or “Let me explain why that won’t work”
- Withholding information
- Failing to give proper recognition
- Claiming credit that we don’t deserve
- Making excuses
- Clinging to the past
- Playing favorites
- Refusing to express regret
- Not listening
- Failing to express gratitude
- Punishing the messenger
- Passing the buck
- An excessive need to be “me”
How We Can Change For The Better
1. Get Feedback
From everyone around you: people working above you, below you and alongside you (360 degree feedback). Also, family. :)
Ask them to:
- Let go of the past
- Tell the truth
- Be supportive and helpful
- Pick something to improve themselves
Types of feedback: Solicited, Unsolicited, Observational All are equally important and good.
Note: Do not express your opinion on their feedback, just say “thank you”.
- Tell people that you’re sorry for your behaviour. Be sincere.
- It helps people let go of the past and help you improve.
- Tell the world that you plan on improving.
- It’s incredibly hard to make people change their opinion of you if you work silently.
- Let them know you’re changing, they’ll slowly start noticing the changes.
- Think before you speak.
- Listen with respect.
- Ask yourself – “Is it worth it?” before speaking.
If you can do only one thing in this list, do this. Be a good listener.
6. Follow Up
- Following up is important for being successful in this endeavour.
- Have a set of questions that you answer regularly.
- Questions can be – “How many times did you NOT interrupt someone this week?”
7. Practice Feedforward
- Feedback is people analyzing your past behaviour and telling it to you.
- Feedforward is looking in the other direction – future.
- Feedforward means people telling you what exactly you can do to improve.
- Folks love giving advice, make use of it.
Rules For Changing
- You might NOT have a disease that behaviour change can cure.
- Pick the right thing to change (if 50%+ feedback giving people don’t think it’s a problem, don’t worry about it).
- Don’t delude yourself about what you “really must change” (what you think is the root cause, is oftentimes not the actual cause).
- Don’t hide from the truth you need to hear.
- There is no ideal behaviour (you can’t be an “ideal” listener, you can just be better).
- If you can measure it, you can achieve it (make sure to measure the right thing).
- Monetize the result (if you can see your bad habits literally costing you, you can make faster progress).
- Best time to change is now.
Originally published at dev.to/pavithraes.